Sunday, May 15, 2011

Another snippet...

I'm revising my story. Okay, I'm working on a completely new version with a completely new voice. I try and work on it a little everyday. Some days more than others. But I'm excited each day to see what will happen next. I love the new Melody. She is interacting more and bringing on a whole new perspective to the story. Here's another snippet:

I search up the beach to find our striped umbrella and see Mom and Dad sitting side by side with books in their hands. Mom’s hand is resting on Dad’s arm as she squints toward us, smiling. I wave. She nods and waves back.
They look so content, is what I’m thinking, when Mom’s face instantly looks like Suzanne’s with panic written on her forehead and her mouth open wide, ready to scream. I whip around to see why. Max is rolling under the water, spinning like a top, struggling to stand. Racing over to snatch him, I hear Mom and Dad’s frantic shouts as they rush down the sand toward us. “Max!”

I pull at his arm and bring him up, choking and sputtering. He lifts his matted head and I cradle it in my lap. “Oh, Max, I’m so sorry.” Mom and Dad charge over and Dad takes him and carries him to the blanket. I lay my chin on Mom’s arm as she puts her other arm around my shoulder. “It’s okay, Melody. These things happen. That big 'ole wave just swept him under in a second. How could you have known?”

I’m sniffling and feeling so tired like it was me under there, not Max. “I was right there but I didn’t see it. I’m sorry, Mommy.”

Mom looks me straight in the eye. “But you were there to pull him out. You reacted as quickly as you could. That's all you can do, honey." That makes me feel a whole lot better.

When we get to the blanket and there’s Max wrapped in a towel sitting all snug on Dad’s lap, looking out of breath but smiling with his chubby thumb in his mouth, which he knows he’s too big for now, and looking so safe and sweet, I can’t imagine life without him.


  1. I'm really enjoying these glimpses into your revisions. This is a very different Melody talking to us, and I feel like she's taking us by the hand to show us her world. Thanks so much for sharing this!! I'm eager to read more.

  2. This is a great scene... it offers a glimpse of what's to come.